Arianna Realis

Chicago, here I come!

2008-07-13T11:50:00.001-07:00

(image courtesy of larry utley)
This past week has been a frenzy of preparations before I head out of town for a week and half.

The first part of the trip will be for social pleasure....From the 15th -19th of July I will be converging with a group of friends to take on Chicago.
And speaking of taking on....

I plan to check out the Chicago mixed wrestling scene. Chicago kind of reminds me of New York City (which is where I first tapped into the mixed wrestling world). Chicago, has good pizza, keeps its bars open until 4am, and carries a similar 'no-nonsense' attitude that I crave and love.

But, Chicago wrestlers - are you as tough? Don't think that because I have lived in San Francisco the past few years that I am a softee....And I am no body-builder, and I may look sweet, but don't be fooled into thinking that I am an easy match. (I am a fun one, though!)

Oh, I am looking forward to my trip, and I hope to meet and beat some of those Chicago wrestlers while I am there!

See you soon!

...But she looked so sweet!

2007-12-07T11:52:00.000-08:00

(image courtesy of Larry Utley)

On the topic of skills that come in handy, definitely my knowledge of wrestling and ability of moving quickly has come in super useful in the real world.

Unfortunately, many men seem to think that is okay to touch women without their consent. I am not actually talking about the more violent forms of this, but the little ways in which strangers seem to think its okay to put their hands on my waist or on the small of my back when talking to me.

For some reason, this seems to be an acceptable norm in most of this society, and it drives me nuts. I absolutely hate the way some men assume that just because they find me attractive it is oaky to interact with me in this way. Respectful conversation and flirting is one thing. Sloppy putting of hands where they shouldn't be is another.

I have had a couple of interactions with somewhat drunk men trying to hit on me, who have done this....and they did not get the usual awkward laughter and gentle moving away.

Instead they found themselves in a full or half nelson (that is the quickest and most natural hold that I find myself doing in this situation) and they were quickly pushed to their knees and humiliated. I have done this on a number of occasions.

Most random dudes are not expecting this. But I bet even in their next-day hazy memory of the night before this is one lesson they would not forget.

And I have to admit - it feels pretty awesome for me, to turn around what is annoying and disrespectful into a lesson. Its pretty empowering, and I feel pretty bad-ass for it.

Now....some of you out there probably wish you were the guy who found himself surprisingly in that full or half nelson. Well, I will like you much better if we consensually set that up as a roleplay. When I win in those pre-negotiated situations, that is when I feel most bad-ass and have the most fun.

(So if you get any bad ideas, make sure you get that hottie's consent before you act it out!)

These Talents Come in Handy...

2007-12-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

(photo courtesy of Michelle Medina)
The other day, I did a favor for some friends and helped them pick up some furniture. Since the furniture was bigger than the car, I brought along some climbing ropes.

Once the furniture had been hoisted on top of the vehicle, I waved them out of the way, "Allow me."

I worked quickly, sometimes employing the friends whose mouths stood wide open to hold pieces of rope. Within minutes that furniture was securely in place, and would not be slipping an inch as we made our way over one of those lovely San Francisco hills.

I get a thrill and a laugh out of these little ways in which some of my skills are incredibly useful in the normal vanilla world. It feels delightfully wrong to know as I am, say, binding a table to a roof, that in my world these rope skills aren't meant for something as mundane as a piece of furniture.

There was one time a couple of years ago, when I went on an adventure with a huge cast of characters, most of them circus performers in one way or another. We were traveling in a huge bus, and there were several occasions when something big needed to be tied either to the roof or inside the vehicle.

There were three of us who argued over how it should be done: the Domme, the Sailor, and the Tree-Sitter. It felt like a scene out of a joke.

And we definitely laughed about it. I must say, however, despite our debating, between the three of us, that binding was accomplished quickly and effectively.

Tangling with Friends

2007-11-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

I was just hanging out with my super cute friend, Isobel, and even though we have known each other for a few years now, we only recently discovered that we both enjoyed luring our friends into playful wrestling scenarios....

We shared that love of putting our male friends to shame by putting them on their backs. That kind of victory is so delightfully sweet, that I am pretty much always up for a chance to taste it again. It just never gets old.

So....of course, we had to wrestle each other! Isobel is such a natural - and she has super strong legs. I taught her many of the moves I managed to hide up my sleeve, so in no time she is going to be invincible.
And oh my, I would love to wrestle her again...

Don't you wish you were a fly on the wall for that?
Or maybe you wish you could join in the match?

For the Love of the Wrestling

2007-10-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

(photo courtesy of Larry Utley)

Growing up, most of my summers were spent at the local swimming pools. When I wasn't at the pool, I was playing baseball or softball, or battling the waves at the ocean. For most of my childhood, I was on the summer swimteam, which meant daily morning swim-practices. I would often stay at the pool after practice, or I would ride my bicycle home for lunch and come back to the pool later. Both of the local pools where I spent my time were a bikable distance from where I lived.

As I began to hit puberty, the pools were great places for me to meet boys, or see the boys from school who I had crushes on...We often played games of marco polo, or swim-tag. It was during games of tag that I first began to enjoy informal wrestling, as I fought for the ladder which was base. This was especially fun if I liked the person I was fighting. Sometimes the game of tag would disintegrate into an hours-long wrestling match. Oh, how I loved this!

Wrestling was perhaps my earliest exploration of power dynmaics - a fully engaging way of establishing who was in control.
More specifically, wrestling was also one of the earliest ways in which I challenged gender norms - I was always ready to fight if someone accused me of not being able to do something because I was a girl.

As an adult this is one thing that hasn't really changed. I often playfully and informally wrestle with my friends and lovers. They often don't have quite the stamina for it is I do. This is why I especially enjoy the formal mixed wrestling matches. I love breaking out the mats, and breaking a sweat while tangling with someone who is often much bigger than me. How sweet is my victory when I have successfully forced someone twice my size into submission!

And I don't always win. But I don't give up easily. In a pins match, I try to escape as quickly as possible. In a submission match, I will squirm and maneuver until I have found a way to turn the tables. I usually only tap out if I absolutely have to.

Oh, wrestling is fun, and satisfying on a deep, sweaty level.

Long time....

2007-10-25T11:07:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time....
Where have I been?

Busy with school, busy with play, busy with work....and all the million other projects.

For almost two years?

Well, yes.

But I am still here.
I am still playing - still kicking, still spanking, still wrestling....

how those hidden dark alleyways of our imagination

2006-02-09T10:40:00.000-08:00

...may transport us to real-life enactments!

****

He was wearing a pin-strip suit; I was in devilishly form-fitting pants, pin-stripe corset, tight button down white shirt. We both were in fidoras and ties.

Walking down a quiet alley-way towards a bar on Polk street, his cell-phone rings. He checks the number and glancing apologetically at me and my raised eyebrow, he turns away to take the call. While he is on the phone I examine our surroundings.

There are cars parked on one side of the street, still covered in glimmering drops of water from the rain which had only ceased for the time being. One man slowly pushes a shopping cart down the our street, perhaps lost in his own world and ignoring our presence. I can hear the quick clicking of stilettos, laughter and loud voices chattering in Spanish, as some ts street workers crossed the end of our alley. However, other than the disappearing man with the shopping cart, my friend and I are alone.

I return my gaze to my companion, and smile to myself as I notice that his back is to me, and he is using the wall of the building to write something down. Temporarily consumed by his business, he has accidentally made himself vulnerable to unseen predatorial surroundings.

Folding up his piece of paper, and returning his pen to his pocket, his conversation draws to a close. As he snaps his cell-phone shut, he suddenly finds himself shoved up against the wall, arms pinned behind him, and cell phone wrenched from his fingers.

"There will be no more interruptions while we are together," I whisper into his ear, pushing his legs open with my knee. "Do you understand me?"

"Yes," he breathes as I slip his cell phone back into his pants pocket, noticing how the material tightens as I do so.

...to be continued...

School days

2006-02-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long!
These past couple of months have been EXTREMELY busy for me...with going out of town, a couple different performances, book stuff, school, and play...
This blog is what suffers most when I am so busy, as it is the last thing I get to when things get crazy. This next month will be a bit calmer, so I will be updating more frequently.

So, yes, school has started once again for me - I can't get enough of it, it seems. I have been sharing this ongoing saga with a friend, but perhaps you all would enjoy: I have developed a funny rapor with my Chinese Teacher, who several times has made comments about spanking those who forget their homework...I raise an eyebrow and smile at these repeated jokes. Then, the other day, she made some comment about torture being a good thing, espeically first thing in the morning. I laughed perhaps a bit too hard, because this time it was her raising an eyebrow and smiling, calling my chinese name, and saying,"Oh, do you agree?"

Mmmhmm...Oh yes, I do agree...But I also think it is good in the afternoon, evening, right before bed, and even in the middle of the night!

Later that class, she said to me, "You and I are going to get along very well.

De-tangling Memories from the Ropes

2005-12-09T17:08:00.000-08:00

Earlier today, I was going through a pile of ropes headed to the laundry. To run a fifty foot length of rope through my hands, checking for knots, and imperfections, is an act of love and meditation, bringing me to that clear, clean calm reminiscent of the blissful high I enjoy at the end of a good long session.

...It is the high that lingers even after I have freed my submissive from his or her bondage. I have guided my sub through a perilous journey various predicament, and together climbed to the heights of ecstasy - the high of which I speak continues as we fall back to the generally accepted reality.

And as I handle each of these ropes I sip a bit of the joy I get as I bind my submissive into various positions, as I see fit.
I was talking the other day with my dear friend, Selene, another Domina whom I respect and love very much. We fell into a passionate conversation about the art of bondage being an active and present one. We found that we both may plan a basic structure before a scene, and may use it or abandon it as we see fit in the moment of creating a harness, or binding the sub into a particular position.

I can say for myself that most of my rope creations on a sub are new and different with each one, and indeed what I love about it is the extreme presence I enter into with my rope and the sub. The present moment and the body of the sub, opens the path for the next, as I find new ways of hooking, weaving, and balancing the rope into handles, cuffs, harnesses and leashes.

....and then when I have the rope locked into place. I slip my hand between the bondage and the flesh, give it a sound tug, and laugh as the submissive tumbles towards me, or as he/she tests the tightness with the squirms of an attempted struggle. This is art in action.

I have now played a few times with one particular relative newcomer to the BDSM world. I have found in the ropes beautiful new harness creations to fit his body, and introduced him to the joys of CB bondage, and light suspension. I have watched his body stiffen and strain against the rope, as he giggles and involuntarily attempts to escape my tickling fingers on the bottoms of feet. Oh, how I delight in the futility of his attempts.

In what could have only been a few quick seconds he finds himself helplessly bound to a reclining therapist's chair...He is open and exposed. She straddles over the chair, towering over his bound body. She bends over him and in a quick eternity, has slipped her hand into his, which is bound tightly to the sides of the chair. It is a quick check for changes in temperature, a safety glance into his well-being, but perhaps her hand lingered in his a moment longer...She lowers herself onto his lap, just below his bound and c. and b. A wicked laugh escapes when she notices how his member twitches as she does so, and she tugs on the rope , tightening it just a little more...

Hmmm. Delicious sweet memories in these ropes.

the city at twilight

2005-12-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

It has been a couple weeks now since I last posted.

Thanksgiving, friend's birthdays, the end of the semester rapidly closing in...have all kept me past my ears - to the tips of my red curls running about. It has been good. I enjoy being so diversely engaged with the world around me.

I have also enjoyed some really satisfying play, as some of my old friends have found me after my six month hiatus from the Domination world, and as some delightful newcomers and I have gotten to know one another.

And as I was just riding my bicycle through the city, I noticed one again, the smile growing on my face. I swerve quickly in between cars, and soar over a hill, towards the sparkling deep reds and purples - twinkling reflections in the tall city buildings in the near distance. This smile has been growing on my face over the past several weeks, as I have awakened into a deepening gratitude for the richness of my existence.

School, work, art, play, and people are all active parts of my daily reality. And every single one of these things are incredibly beautiful - and become parts of one another in a pleasant blurring of lines. All and all, I am experiencing a nice balance of receiving the gifts each of these things have to offer me, and me sending back some love, work, and honest commitment into the world.

As I remain open and highly aware of the harsh realities of the world - I can get incredibly angry with the horrendous injustices I see and know about. So it is nice, to also step back and appreciate that which is beautiful.

Thank you all who are a part of my life and a part of making that possible.

And now for some stories....

Must it all include EVERYTHING?!!

2005-11-21T16:04:00.000-08:00

Someone recently emailed me, asking me this:
"Must dominance include pain and bondage?"

I am very grateful that he asked me this, because it highlights a confusion common in the BDSM/fetish community. This confusion is even greater, I find for painless and those who are just starting out in their exploration of BDSM. I have even seen it to be prevalent among beginning pro-dommes.

What confusion, specifically?

It is most basically a confusion arising out of stereotypes. I cannot tell you how many times people have said to me, oh but I am not into pain! And let me tell you, a good portion of the people I play with are not into pain! But I will get back to this later.

First of all the stereotype: the domme in boots and leather who does whatever she wants whenever she wants. For many it paints the picture of some cold, ruthless bitch who has no inkling of compassion. She is dangerous, insane, and mean!

Now, at times I have played that general role, but not as often as most would suspect, and it is a role that is, like so much of the BDSM world, full of illusions.

The very first rule of BDSM play is:

Play must be safe, sane, and consensual.

I am tempted to paste this rule all over this blog, yell it at the top of my lungs in public streets, send smoke signals, and airplane banners:

BDSM PLAY MUST BE:
SAFE,
SANE,
AND CONSENSUAL!!!

Without this basic rule, the incredible journeys, the flights through the subconscious, the enlightening and transcendent sliding into otherworlds that blend fantasy and reality could never happen!

Scenes are completely negotiated - and if they are not, it is because I have been playing with you for a very long time, know your limitations, your potential, and have negotiated not to negotiate down to the last minute detail.

NOW, to the specific question: Must dominance include pain and bondage?
Certainly not. Some fetish play only worship - of boots, of toes, of leather, of latex, of dildos. This may include things such as kissing or smelling...OR maybe for example, as a rubber fetishist, you are shining the full latex outfit I am wearing with a special rubber lube - a ritual I often enjoyed with my personal slave back in New York.

Maybe you are being dominated with teasing and denial - sometimes by a seemingly accidental breath on your ear, or a brush of the thigh. Perhaps you catch a glimpse of my garter belt when I cross and uncross my legs - it seems like a lucky coincidence for you, but in fact I am most carefully and seamlessly pushing the buttons of your sexual imagination - and thereby very specifically controlling your arousal.

I could also dominate you with words, or action, call you my slut, or order you to dress in stockings and garter belt.

It is possible that I make you succumb to my will without a single twitch of my pinkie - not a single whip or chain in sight - because I know what you want, and I can lead you into a headspace no one else could before...

So CAN I dominate without pain and bondage?
Hmmmm....Now you tell me! *wink*

I will tell you this over and over again - my interests are very eclectic, and my skill range broad and diverse. I love to explore MANY many different things. I play with many people - both personal and professional, and no two scenes are exactly alike. And I would NEVER want it that way.

So don't just assume that because I wear a corset, and am very talented with a bullwhip that my personality and interests end there. I know you are not accusing me of being boring! Just like yourself, I am a complex and curious human being.....and full of surprises!

gender-bending

2005-11-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

I have found in recent years that I simply cannot classify my sexuality. When I first tried, as a teenager, I qualified myself as bi-sexual - liking both boys and girls.

But as I explored, I found bi-sexual to too limited. I love gender-fluidity too much. I did very much love the boys who wore make up - in fact my first love wore more make-up than I did when we went to the prom. What a scandal we caused in our small town! And then, I cannot tell you how many of my following boyfriends I convinced to wear make-up and get into women's lingere...

And everyone who knows me, knows my fetish for corsets - I love to see them on men and women alike. Of course, I wear one nearly every chance I get, but I also especially love having my feminine figure accentuated simultaneous to me wearing a strap on.

I don't try to qualify anymore. I am way to fluid. I have found myself to be interested in all sexes (and of course I mean more than two.)

singletails, dear old friends

2005-11-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

Recently I was at a themed birthday party for some dear, old friends of mine. As part of their theme (Good vs. Evil), they had a confessions booth in which people could confess their sins. And of course, because I love them, (not because it would be any fun for me, oh no!) I offered to work that confession booth, aiding those poor sinners in their penance. Most of the penance was silly and ridiculous, with some light DS role play.

So, I had a couple of implements with me, one of which was a small singletail. I was actually taking a break from the confessions booth, when I ran into a friend whom I had not seen in a very long time. We were exchanging updates, when he suddenly got distracted by what was in my hand. "May I see that?"

This being a friend whom I trusted, I handed it to him to examine.

He held it in his hand running his fingers along the length of the singletail. It was small, with a thick tongue. "Very nice! What is it?"

"Its a singletail!" I smiled.

"It doesn't look like the ones I have seen before."

Well they come in many shapes and sizes, I explained, as I stood back to give him room to try swinging it. He then tried to hit himself with it. This made me laugh (though not any stranger may simply take one of my whips and try hitting himself with it - do NOT try this at home or with me, kids!), and though self-flagellation would have appropriate given the theme of the party, I asked him, "Would you like me to do that for you?"

His eyes lit up, and he immediately removed his clothing, and found a wall upon which to brace himself.

I first put my hands on his back, and stood there, taking in the warmth of his flesh beneath my palms. During these first few moments, such an important connection is made between the players - for me this moment is crucial. Smiling and closing my eyes, I held his back.

Then stepping back, I took a few deep breaths, while now running my own fingers again on the singletail. Then gently, I started to swing, sending a breeze of forewarning to my friend's exposed skin.
The first touches of the singletail to flesh, were kisses, light little taps into his spirit.
At least that is how it felt to me.
And gradually I sank into the flow of the whip, adding a bit more pressure to the singletail kisses.

These moments are immensely beautiful and sacred to me. When two people are breathing together, one giving, and one receiving. And the singletail between them creates a physical distance, and yet connect deeper from one to the other...and for me, I can feel the person who is receiving. It seems as though I can touch their soul.
I love all whips for this, I love the singletail, and my ultimate baby is the bullwhip...and it seems as though the longer the whip, the deeper the spiritual connection, and together, giver and receiver fly into otherworlds...

My friend and I only played for a few minutes, but in just those few opening singletail caresses, we traveled to some other places. As his skin started to redden, I paused to again place my hands against his flesh, to hold him, to thank him for this special gift of sharing.

Why...

2005-11-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

For years now, BDSM players, and ordinary vanillas have been asking me questions about what I do, and why I do it. After the first couple of years of being a "PROFESSIONAL DOMINATRIX!" it ceased to be quite as interesting to be asked the same questions over and over. What's it like? What is the most intense thing you have ever done? Is it safe? In fact especially some of the same-old, ignorant, and sometimes disrespectful questions got to be exhausting and irritating. Some of them I will not even answer. But some of the questions were good, and the conversations raised a new awareness of the world for the questioner as well as myself.

So...Even if you are not a BDSM/fetish player yourself, but merely a theoretical voyeur from afar, perhaps we can continue those converations here. And if you play? Dreamed of playing? Maybe within this blog you find some leads on your questions, or some inspiration for your play.

Welcome.